Thank You!
I want this post to be an inspiration to anyone who is going through a difficult time in their life. My hope is that you will believe that everything really does happen for a reason. I hope you will also believe that there is a light at the end of those very dark, and long black tunnels, we sometimes have to travel through in life. I mostly want everyone, who reads this post, to realize that we need to cherish every precious moment of our lives, because in the blink of an eye things can change.
I also wanted to write this post to thank all of the amazing people I have been blessed to have in my life. Thank you to all of my friends for all of the amazing cards, prayers, phone calls, visits, flowers, cookies, fruit baskets, teddy bears, scented lotions and body sprays, candies, magazines, and support! I can never thank you all enough!!!
Today - July 22, 2011 - is my 2nd Anniversary of becoming very ill with Swine Flu, double pneumonia, and ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). http://www.ards.org/learnaboutards/whatisards/brochure/
Two years ago today, I had just finished a fun-filled vacation visiting with friends and family all throughout north Florida. We ended our 10 day vacation with a trip to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida (I'm still not over that Simpson's Ride...!!! It's one of those virtual rides that makes you feel like your stomach is coming out of your mouth even though you are barely moving!!! A lot of fun though!).
I was pretty exhausted, but thought nothing of it when I noticed a strange rash all over my legs. Thought nothing of it the next day, upon returning home, when my daughter asked me what was wrong. She told me I looked ill, but I felt fine. The following day, I made a mani/pedi appointment and was starting to get myself mentally prepared for the next school year. I was a 4th grade teacher and I would be returning to work in 3 short weeks! :)
Well, a few hours after making that mani/pedi appointment ~ I was calling the salon to cancel ~ telling Tina that I had just come down with the flu, had 103 temperature, but I would see her as soon as I recovered. (That reminds me, I haven't seen her since and I really should make that appointment again! :) This day began a journey that changed my life forever.
I spent a week on the couch, nursing my fever. I went to the ER at one point during that week only to be told I had the flu, given a Z-Pac and sent home. Even went to my family Dr because I KNEW (always go with your gut) that I was sicker than I had ever been in my life! I told my Dr that I felt like I was dying!!!... and he sent me home (since I was on the Z-Pac!) He told me to return in 3 days. Well, 3 days later I was in the hospital, diagnosed with double pneumonia and on life support. I was so ill the Dr's had to put me into a medically induced coma (where I stayed for 14 days) and I had to be intubated (tube down the throat to breathe). I remember looking at all of my family members, standing around my bed, with such concerned faces. I knew I was sick, but I didn't realize how sick I was at that moment.
Fast foward 14 days later...I remember the Dr's and nurses removing the tube (I thought I had a big tooth stuck in my throat!!! LOL!!!) I had come out of the coma to have Dr's and nurses pulling something (IT FELT REALLY BIG) out of my mouth. They kept saying 'you have a tube down your throat' (I thought they were saying 'TOOTH down your throat! LOL!!!). I also thought I had just arrived at the hospital. I thought it was July 28th (the day I entered the hospital) but in reality it was August 10th. No one told me it was August 10th, so I was confused when I saw my family ~ especially my husband. He looked so stressed and he looked like he had lost a lot of weight! (He had lost 9 pounds in the two weeks...why do men lose weight so easily and quickly...not fair! :) Two days later, on August 12th, when I found out the date I felt like
Rip Van Winkle
the man who slept for 20 years!Why I wasn't totally freaked out when I realized I was completely paralyzed, I will never know. All I could do was move was my head. My family informed me that the dr's had to induce paralysis, because I would not stay calm and I kept trying to pull the respirator out of my throat. So, there I laid in my hospital bed - not being able to move - and I had a strange sense of peace in my heart. I was told that my nurse, Martine, (I will Love her Forever!!!...my Angel on Earth) sat with me and read the bible daily and asked God to save my life. What an amazing person she is! My family told me that there were prayers being said at every church (every denomination imaginable) and Synagogues from South FL to NY (family in NY). My Dr's told me over and over that I was a miracle and that they were so happy that I had survived. (I must say I'm HAPPY, too!)
So, the journey to becoming healthy again began. I spent one month in ICU with daily intense physical therapy and occupational therapy (THANK YOU Teva, Robin, John, Jason, and all of the other wonderful therapists who pushed me and made my body whole again! You are my Guardian Angels, too! Amazing, dedicated people you are!!!). Who would think at the age of 49 years old, I would have to learn how to wash my face, write my name, wave hello/good-bye, sit up (yes, we all take these simple tasks for granted! I was placed in a chair and had to learn how to sit and stand-up all over again - took weeks to accomplish!...I had to crawl (no kidding, on the floor on all fours!) before I could walk again. Teva and John moved my legs while I layed in the bed and Robin worked out my arms. Who would have ever imagined that arms and legs could feel so heavy!!! I'll never forget the first time I got to stand up again! I'm 5' 9" and I kept saying I felt like a towering tree in the forest! I had been in bed for such a long time, so I had forgotten what it felt like to stand up! It was 5 weeks after entereing the hospital (I was now at a rehabilitation center for 3 weeks) and Jason, my physical therapist, put me in a machine that held me upright so I could just stand! I can't tell you how excited I was to be standing!!! That's all I could do was stand - strapped and buckled into this machine - but I was grinning from ear to ear and oh so happy!
I was given a wheel chair and I had to be lifted out of my bed by my nurses just to sit in it. The hours alone in my room were sometimes difficult. I would take a look at myself in that wheelchair - with legs that I did not recognize (skinny, skinny legs, with no muscle tone at all!) - and legs that would not move at all - and my mind would wonder how this all happened to me. I dropped my cell phone to the floor and just sat and looked at it only inches away from my wheel chair! Something so minor as my phone on the floor became a major problem for me! I could not, for the life of me, bend over and just pick up my phone!!! Oh, how we take so many of the little things in life for granted. My lungs were weak (I coughed constantly...don't know how my family and friends put up with that!!! I remember my friend Charlene (love you Char) came to visit me and she started having sympthathy coughs and coughed along with me!!! LOL!!! I guess like the song says "That's what friends are for..." One of the most important lessons I learned through all of this was, the physical body does not make up who we are. I was paralyzed, but I was still me! I coudn't do anything for myself, but I was still me. I was weak, but I was determined to live, to walk, and to get my life back.
I finally returned home on September 11, 2009! I had been gone for 7 weeks and I can still remember what it felt like to walk into my home. We all complain about our homes...we all want to replace the furniture, paint those walls, get new flooring! Well, let me tell you that HOME never looked so good to me! I was like a little kid taking it all in. I missed my dogs so very much! I enjoyed their kisses like I had never enjoyed them before! My first night sleeping in my comfy bed, next to my husband, was like pure heaven! I continued out patient therapy for 3 more weeks and was finally able to drive my car in November ~ four long months after becoming sick!!! I was never so happy to go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk, some bread, and some eggs! I said I'd never complain about running to the store ever again...(hate to admit it, but I'm back to not wanting to run to the store...some things never change).
It was the end of November and I was slowly getting my life back, when all of a sudden my hair started to fall out! The Dr's said it was from the stress my body was under, and from all the medicines I was on while I was in the hospital. So, Thanksgiving Day 2009, Matt (my husband - hairdresser for the day!) cut off the last of my 'Donald Trump' comb-over!!! THANK YOU, Matt!!! I now had an army buzz cut!!! I was petrified to look in the mirror. But, you know what I found out? I had spent so many hours, daily, trying to get my DARN hair to look good and now all I had to do was 'wash and go'. It was very freeing and liberating. I'm not gonna lie - I was scared to death to go out in public, but let me tell you I got more compliments with my 'buzz' cut then I'd ever gotten with my $40, $50, $60 hair cuts! I will admit, I bought a couple of wigs, because I did miss my hair - but, I gave them up because I kept adjusting my hair in public (I'm sure I scared a few people along the way) and it was just too hot, uncomfortable, and not me!
It took one whole year for me to recover and feel somewhat like myself again. I sometimes feel as though I was given a mandatory year off from doing anything! It gave me a lot of time to think about life, appreciate life, and study photography! As John Lennon once said “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
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| To my husband Matt...I don't know where I can begin to THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the past two years! I know it hasn't been easy for you and I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Matt and I had been together for 7 yrs, finally decided to get married, and then one year later I was terribly ill. Thank you for taking your vows "in sickness and in health" seriously. Thank you for spending endless hours with me at the hospital and the rehab. Thank you for rushing to the hospital at 11 PM (two days after I came out of my coma) and staying with me until 3 AM (even though you had to go to work in the morning) because I was so afraid and felt so ill. Thank you for supporting me and fighting for me when I couldn't do it for myself. If I could, I would say one trillion thank you's to you! Thank you for loving me with and without my hair! I owe you BIG TIME! I LOVE YOU!!! xoxoxoxoxo |
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| I LOVE YOU Jenna (my daughter). Thank you for being so strong and supporting me while I was sick. Thank you for taking me to out patient therapy when Grandma or Aunt Joanie couldn't make it! Thank you for making me laugh when I was feeling down! You've always been good at that!!! xoxoxo To my son Jimmy. I wish I had a picture of you and I together! Now do you see why I get so upset when you won't take pictures with me!!! :) Anyway, I can still tell you that I love you and thank you for being there for me when I needed you! I'm still thinking about that cute girlfriend of yours (you know...the one I dreamed about while I was sick! LOL). I LOVE YOU Jimmy!!!
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| Thank you to my mother in law Barbara, and my sister in law Penny, for all of the prayers. I really thank you both for driving 6 hours to see me when I was in a coma and didn't even know you were there! I love you!!! I thank all of my wonderful in laws for the prayers and support! I love you all!!! David, Barb, Dave, Bob, Johnny, Anthony, Amanda. xoxoxo |
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| Thank you to my sister Doreen and Wolf for always being there for me!!! Thank you for your prayers...Thank you for checking on me daily...Thank you for everything you do!!! I love you both very much!!! xoxoxo |
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| To my baby sister, Joanie! Thank you for taking care of Matt while I was sick (you were his stand-in wife LOL!!!) Thank you for all the prayers, love, and for driving all the way from Miami just to help me out when I needed to get to physical therapy!!! I love you for everything you do for all of us!!! (...and that goes for Dave, too!) xoxoxo |
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| This was like my 'coming out' day! It was Thanksgiving Day 2009 and Matt had just shaved my head to get rid of the few strands that were left!!! I know I scared of few of you that day with my new-do!!! :) My Family!!! Thank you for all of your LOVE and SUPPORT through the most difficult time in my life! I love you all very much!!! My Mom, my twin sister Doreen, and my neice Caitlin are missing from this picture, but you all know I love you very much!!! xoxoxo |
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| Back Row L to R: my stepson Eric, my son Jimmy, friend Rafael Sitting L to R: friend Albee, nephew Jake, sister Joanie, Me, daugher Jenna, brother in law David and sitting front and center - my husband Matt! Thanksgiving Day ~ Celebrating my new hair-do and the fact that I was alive and out of the hospital and rehab!!! |
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| It was Matt's idea for me to go out and purchase a wig (or two)! I must admit that it did lift my spiritis to have some hair to brush again...however, after a few weeks of feeling like I had a helmet on my head, I went back to my 'buzz cut'! |
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| Six months after getting out of the hospital/rehab ~ I'm out enjoying a Bon Jovi Concert with Matt and friends Charlie and Helene!!! I remembering still feeling so weak, but singing my lungs out!!! I LOVE BON JOVI!!! :) (Still sporting that short hair-do!) |
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| Then, when my hair started to grow back in ~ it grew in REALLY curly!!! That was quite the adjustment! Wont even show you the pics of it trying to grow in (I had the afro look!!! very scary time for me!!! heehee) So in the end, I learned many valuable lessons from becoming so ill. I learned...
Thank you to all of my family and friends who chipped in and made my car payments for me while I was out of work! Thank you to all of my teacher friends who came to visit me and brought me magazines, gifts, cookies, etc!!! Thank you to my students, and their parents, for the cards - gifts - and for visiting me!!! THANK YOU... THANK YOU... THANK YOU!!! I could go on and on thanking everyone in my life forever!!! I appreciate each and everyone of you and I appreciate all that everyone did for me while I was sick. |
